his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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