i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
