so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
