drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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