Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
