I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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