I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All the doctor said was why
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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