Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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