3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
