I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
