just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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