So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
