I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
