What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
time to smoke my breakfast
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What a dumb baby whore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
