All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
