I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize