You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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