omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
