I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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