Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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