remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
