GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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