I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
