she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
