another moral hangover. fuck.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize