I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
