her vagine was all disorganized.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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