He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
