come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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