I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
