Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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