He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
