mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
