Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
