The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
