I think scott just propositioned me for sex
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
