Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
