I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
