The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize