shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
