Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
