Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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