yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
