one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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