i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
