I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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