my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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