you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
