lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
