I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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