Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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