I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
