Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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