Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
