you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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