he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
