So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
