i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
