I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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