Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
