if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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