he wants to bone in the snuggie
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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