I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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