question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
