Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
