u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish i was in the wii world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
