I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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