based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
