There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love you.
Bad choice
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
