Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
