i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
