So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just cropdusted the office
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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