I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Please don't give away my fajitas
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