Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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